Forum:Sovereigns-Pitch
Hello once again, I may say. This idea has been spooking around in the back of my head for sometime, and now with time, I think I'd like to give it a try. The full civilisation name would be "Sovereign Co-Propsperty Sphere" and it would be located in the Virgo Cluster (Not to be confused with the Virgo Supercluster), which is approxcimitly 65.000 ly away from the Local Group. This Co-Prosperty Sphere would encompas, an area with a diameter of approximitly 15 ly, containing 16 different solar systems, of which 6 are populated. The founders of this civilisation, and also the "name-givers" are the Sovereigns. Their original home system, which has been named "Kihin" consists of a Class F star, with a diameter of 6950 km and it's binary partner a red dwarf. Their home planet, "Tempora" ,is a medium sized planet with a circumferance of roughly 12.000 km. The atmosphere of this stellar body consists of an ozone/xenon with small percentages of carbon-monoxide, hydrogen and oxygen. Furthermore 3/4 of the planet are submerged, and the fourth of landmass available, is split into 5 different continents. The peek temperatures on the planet are +79.2° C and -65.7°C though the mean surface temperature checks in about 14° C. Due to the planets harsher enviroments, there is a larger variety of wildlife to be found, even today. Most of the species developed as herbivores and only very few pure carnivores, established themselves on the planet. It is interesting to note that originally the Sovereigns too, were one of the pure carnivore species of the planet, something that still has left a few biological feats for their modern descendants. For example, had the earlier Sovereigns to notice a lot more of their surroundings, their senses and sensory abilities were incredibly hightend. Though a lot of this has regressed over the millions of years of evolution, some of this trademarks are still visible today, for example they have two pairs of eyes, each containing twin-pupils, as well as them still possessing two-nostrils. But probably the most interesting feature remaining is their psychometric ability. This ability allows them, to transfer memories by touch, and even complex thoughts, and some even have the ability to learn foreign languages jsut by touching a member of a foreign species. This sensory mechanism was undoubtly a prime tool in hunting ones pray, as by touching the ground, the Soverigns could "remember" if their pray had been there, and how long ago. About the same time the Sovereigns, began building their first true cities, and changing from tribe life, to domestic life. Which resulted in some of the greatest pieces of art, and architecture, a species, which the Sovereigns called the "Leviathans" arrieved. The Leviathans, though not known at the time, originated from Tempora's own moon, Tenebrae. They had developed a few thousand years earlier than their brethren and so, had achieved intersystem travel capabilites, by the begining of the sovereigns' "Majestic Period". Interestingly enough the Leviathans shared quite a resemblance to their brethern the Sovereigns, only they seemed to have originated from a more insectoid form, as some of them even sprouted insect wings, though the rough outlines did resemble the Sovereigns. Due to their technological advances the Leviathans were originally praised as gods. This went on for about two centuries until a new leader of the Leviathans was elected, he ordered the Sovereigns be told that the Leviathans were not gods, but also wanted to minimise the influence the Leviathans had on the Sovereigns, instead of now praying to their former gods, the inhibitans of Tempora fell into disarray over what they should pray to. There the Leviathans made, their probably most sever move, they brought their own religion to their neighbours, even though they had wanted to not influence them, they changed the culture for ever. Their religion was called "The Universal Imperative" a belief that saw evolution as the only diety worth praying to, and as thus was inforced upon their brethern, the Sovereigns. As time continued, at somepoint the Soveriegns discovered the Leviathans, as just another civilisation like themselves, and began to striefe to be just like the populace of their moon. Yet at this point an other imporant fact in Sovereign history happened, Emperor Mytis of Tenebrae extended an over, the to people, could work together in a "Co-prosperty Sphere" to share resources technology and everything else, eager to attain new technology, the Sovereigns signed the treaty of Navrum which stated, that from that point on neither populace would declare war on the other, and that they would help each other what ever the need maybe. A few decades later, the first true sovereign intersteller explorations were made. The Leviathans having been already far more advanced had already explored when Tempora was still in the industrial-age. But now together, and with far better suited vessels, the two people began to spread and colonise system after system. Though in some of these systems they found other species dwiling there, and claiming this to be their territory. Which did nothing to stop the expanding of the "Co-Prosperty Sphere", as the species they met, either willingly joined, or the might of the military integrated them into the system. Technology: While lacking in some areas, such as terraforming and power-generation. The Sovereign Co-Prosperity Sphere, could be considered a rather advanced civilisation. Their weapons are all more or less based on particle weaponary, most of them firing beam like "projectiles" at their enemy. But a very interesting point there is, that there is a difference between Leviathan Beam Weaponary, and Sovereign Beam Weaponary. Leviathan beams are often very thin, only a few nanometers in diameter, and upon impact, disintigrate the unfortunate target. Sovereign beams are rather thick, a few milimeters, and glow in a very bright neon-green, and it looks more like their targets are dissolved, as they leave a strange puddle of residue from the target, which has the same colour as the beam had. For power generation, the most frequently used way is nuclear fusion, which is being cooled by plasma,allthough there are a few research station that experiment with antimatter/matter reactors, so far there has been no real break through. Their FTL capabilities, are moderate compared to some other species in the universe, it some times take even weeks to reach the most outlying systems. This is mainly because the FTL-engines used are Slipstream-Space engines, which have to shove the entire vessel into an alternate dimension, were the regular laws of physics are no longer in affect, and due to the crude nature of these engines, such travels take longer. Funny fact: It is unknown how Leviathans actually ea or drinkt, as they lack mouths and communicate telepathically. This is mostly due to their homeworld of Tenebrae which is a moon that is nearly completely shrouded in darkness. I hope you enjoyed reading my ptich and I look forward to your feedback and constructive critisism. Best regards, Mortalitates Comments Welcome back, Mortalitates. Here is my feedback: I like the concept of these civilizations, but the physiologies of both the Sovereigns and the Harbingers seem to uncannily resemble the Protheans and the Collectors from Mass Effect. I am okay with homages, but it would be best if you made such references less obvious so that these creations don't get accused of being rip-offs. Just for some comparisons, the Sovereigns share the psychometric reading, four eyes and double pupils. Also like the Protheans, the Sovereigns believe that evolution is the only force to reckon with. The Harbingers of this pitch are described as being insectoid versions of the Sovereigns, and quite similarly, the Collectors can be described as such to the Protheans. As for the names themselves, I do find it odd that "Sovereign" refers to the entire species. It's especially strange considering that it would refer even to the lowest caste/class of their society when the term "sovereign" refers to supreme power. Also, do these Harbingers have any sort of connection to the Harbingers on this wiki already? That is, do these Harbingers claim to be inspired by the Harbingers that often meddle with the Milky Way? If there isn't any connection, I would change their names just to avoid confusion. I am willing to give the greenlight if you just alter their appearance so that their resemblance to the Protheans and Collectors is less obvious. Other than that, it's a solid and detailed pitch. Krayfish (talk) 00:51, March 31, 2013 (UTC) Thank you for your feedback Kray, I have changed the Harbingers name, yet I have a question. Could you, if it isn't to much to ask, advice me on what to change about their appearance? As I am quite fond of the idea with the four eyes and dual pupils due to their original nature as hunters. I hope I do not bother you with this. Best regards, Mortalitates (talk) 12:16, March 31, 2013 (UTC)Mortalitates Well, if you want to keep the four eyes and dual pupils, I would instead replace the psychometric reading ability with something else. And as for their philosophy of the "Universal Imperative", I would expand upon it a little more, maybe perhaps incorporating Social Darwinism or a technocratic society. It also wouldn't hurt if a small part of their population had a religion based around spirits or gods. As for the Leviathans, the new name implies something grand, massive and awe-inspiring. And given that you stated that it's unknown how they eat or drink, most definitely, they wouldn't look humanoid. You could opt for some really strange looking creatures such as giant exoskeleton beasts that resemble worms or whales. Krayfish (talk) 15:45, March 31, 2013 (UTC) Well, the last guy who made a pitch had a very unprofessional reaction to critisism. If you take it well, Mort, then you definitely have a chance at succeeding here (I know you were here before, but I don't have much else to say). As for the pitch, I like it, you have my vote. --Pschycron, the Master of Nonsence A1\-A1 16:14, March 31, 2013 (UTC) Kray what if I were to change the religion? And some of the biology, maybe for example let them have five fingers and toes. Well, I chose the name Leviathan, because do to the nature of the conntact between them and the Sovereigns, the natives of Tempora, would think of them as gods. This now also works well with me changing their religion, I would simply make it so they refer to their dieties not as gods, but as Leviathans, and thinking their neighbours to be such in the early incounters, and they afterwards never changed that. Would such an idea be acepptable? Best regards, Mortalitates (talk) 22:39, March 31, 2013 (UTC)Mortalitates That idea sounds good.Krayfish (talk) 22:41, March 31, 2013 (UTC) All what is needed now is for either Suppy or Nra to greenlight it, and then you'll be able to start writing.Krayfish (talk) 20:36, April 1, 2013 (UTC) After the fixes, everything seems fine. Any minor problems we can just buff out during the actual creation of the race. Go forth. "How do you say it? Jagdpanther? Yagdpanther? I'll just call it Steve." - SupcommMonroee (talk) 17:26, April 5, 2013 (UTC) Conclusion Pitch has been approved. You are clear to begin writing.Krayfish (talk) 17:27, April 5, 2013 (UTC) Category:Approved pitches